Finding Joy through Life's Trials
A Tribute to Grandma Ingersoll It’s been over two months now since Josh’s one-of-a-kind grandma passed away at the “young” age of 97. She was our last surviving grandparent. We miss her but are so grateful for our memories with her and for our knowledge …
It’s 2023! Last year at this time, I was looking forward to the new year. Lincoln was coming up on finishing his chemo treatment, and I felt like that would free up more time for me to focus on myself. I was right! However, I …
This post is my permission to myself to sometimes write and post simple, short & sweet articles. As a recovering perfectionist, I often feel like I have to work on my articles for hours and hours, and they need to be amazing. Here’s the truth: They don’t “have to” be anything! It’s my content; I get to decide what the content will be!
I recently got back from attending an INCREDIBLE retreat with my life coach and some of her other clients. All of us are in her Elevated Mother Experience together. We all knew each other via Facebook before, but now we’re all besties. 😊 I can’t even tell you how much I loved the retreat! I learned so much, and I felt like I was “high on life” for the whole two days.
I had so many “aha moments” while I was there. Among the MANY things we talked about, we discussed how we often place expectations on ourselves, others, events, etc. that can make our lives more difficult than they need to be. I know I’m guilty of this! I had/have ideas about what my blog posts need to be like when the reality is that they don’t have to follow any checklist! And when I vehemently stick to my internal checklist, it often leads me to feel overwhelmed, procrastinate, and finish tasks late or not at all. That’s my pattern. Please tell me I’m not the only one who falls into this trap! There’s a better, easier way, my friends.
Robyn (my life coach) also talked to us about how our language—the way we say things—greatly impacts us. She gave us several examples of slight shifts we can make in our sentences that can help with our mindset. For example, instead of starting a sentence with “I have to…”, we can start it by saying “I get to…” Obviously, as a writer, I’m a fan of words. They hold such power! It makes total sense to me that using different words in the way we talk about things can subtly change the meaning and feeling.
So this is my experiment to see if the world comes crumbling down if I shift some things. (Spoiler alert: I know it won’t.) I don’t “have to” post a blog article every week; I get to try to! And if I want to consistently do that, sometimes those articles get to be easy to write. I don’t have to stress about it being perfect. I don’t have to try to hit the ideal word count. I don’t have to worry about what others think. I just get to write and post what I feel like. What a novel idea. 😉
What are some things you overcomplicate? What’s something you could enjoy more this week if you think about how you “get to” do it?
Do you consider yourself a morning person? I do, but there’s a caveat. I enjoy getting up early, but I do not enjoy having to get up and going quickly in the morning. I’m usually awake and willingly out of bed by 6 or at …
An Unfortunate Event We’ve all had those heart-sinking moments when we can’t find something important and we briefly (or, perhaps, not-so-briefly) feel like life as we know it is over. I had one of those moments a few weeks ago. For a total of about …
I was sitting at Cupbop, enjoying my alone time while I waited for my family’s takeout order, when I finished listening to Cory Reese’s book titled Stronger than the Dark: Exploring the Intimate Relationship Between Running and Depression. Listening to this book left me feeling inspired, uplifted, and grateful that I decided to listen to it. The odds weren’t great that I would pick this particular book, considering the fact that I currently have over 1,200 books on my “Want to Read” shelf on Goodreads. 😂 Luckily, though, Cory is my cousin’s brother-in-law, and that gave his book an edge.
Stronger than the Dark provides a much-needed peek behind the curtain of what it’s like to suffer from “smiling depression”. I’d never heard that phrase before this book, but I immediately understood what it was. I know because I’ve experienced it.
Healthline.com describes smiling depression as “a term for someone living with depression on the inside while appearing perfectly happy or content on the outside”. It’s sometimes referred to as “functional” depression or “high-functioning” depression. None of these terms are clinical diagnoses, but they refer to an unofficial subgroup of depression.
Cory started experiencing his bout of depression after he was diagnosed with an illness and he left the religion he’d been raised in. He does a fantastic job of detailing his feelings and experiences through scenes from his life. I especially enjoyed reading about his interactions with his wife. I related to his honest portrayals of how difficult it can be to express your emotions and thoughts to others—even those you’re closest to—when battling depression.
I started my struggle with depression and anxiety in college. I was a classic case of a little fish in a big pond. I was used to being a good student who could rest on being smart to get good grades. I was used to fairly frequently getting the lead roles in plays/musicals. I was used to being the president of my chamber choir. Suddenly I found myself having to work harder to get good grades. I also found out that there are a LOT of talented people in college.
The first time I talked to a college professor
about struggling, she responded, “Perfectionism, procrastination, and anxiety/depression often go hand-in-hand.” It was the first time I realized that perfectionism isn’t a good thing. In my mind, I had equated it with being nearly perfect, and I’d equated having anxiety/depression with being imperfect. This professor lovingly helped me see that it was OK and normal to be imperfect, and she was instrumental in me seeking help from the counseling office. I went to years of counseling to help get me by. It took several more years before I finally got over the stigma of taking medication and started taking something. That decision, for me, was utterly life changing.
While I 100 percent empathize with Cory’s struggle with depression, the same can’t be said of his running struggles. I’m still firmly in the camp Cory was in in his youth: Why would any self-respecting adult CHOOSE to torture himself/herself by running after they didn’t HAVE TO?! I was the girl in gym class who dreaded days when we had to run the mile. I hated them. I spat upon them. I would always run as slowly as I could the first time we ran so it would be “easy” for me to improve my time the second time we ran. Let’s just say I didn’t have to work too hard to run slowly. Sometimes I did have to work hard not to pass out.
While I’m not a runner, Cory’s story made me consider becoming one. That, in and of itself, is a testament to how good this book is. He articulates beautifully how running—especially in ultramarathons, as he did—can give you an advantage in enduring trials and coming out victorious and stronger on the other side. Laced throughout his very raw, vulnerable storytelling, you’ll find yourself laughing out loud at his wonderful sense of humor. As Truvy says in Steel Magnolias, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion”.
If you have ever struggled with depression, read this book. If you have ever known someone who’s struggled with depression, read this book. If you’re a runner, read this book. If you’ve ever known a runner, read this book. If you have ever left an organized religion, read this book. If you have ever known someone who left an organized religion… (I think you know how that sentence ends.) Great living and writing, Cory. I can’t wait to read more of your work in the future.