Mercy Rose

I am a self-help book junkie. I read books from all genres, but I have consistently read several self-help books every year since college. I had Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert on my must-read list for a very long time before I finally picked it up. Almost immediately, I starting seeing magic start to show up in my life.

I started reading Big Magic in the Fall of 2021 after my Stampin’ Up! upline talked about it in one of her trainings. I listened to it in just a few days and found it so inspiring. (I listen to at least 90% of the books I “read” on Audible. I still consider it reading! With my active, young boys, it’s the only way I can read as often as I do. 😂) In the book, Gilbert “shows us how to tackle what we most love, and face down what we most fear” (Goodreads description).

Ever since I was in elementary school, I’ve dreamed of one day being a published author. I remember checking out my favorite books from the library and making my own hand-drawn, stapled-together “copies” of them on computer paper. I believe I was in the third grade when we had an assembly with a children’s book author. My mind was buzzing through the whole assembly. I couldn’t wait to meet the author and get my copy of one of his books signed. And I couldn’t stop thinking about how spectacular it would be if I ever became an author.

As time marched on, I shared this dream with fewer and fewer people. Even though my parents, teachers, and others told me I was a gifted writer, I was thick in the comparison game. My fear of not being good enough stopped me from being openly honest about my desire. But I never stopped dreaming.

I remember the exact moment I finally spoke my dream  out loud again. I was training to be a phone customer service rep at Qwest Communications during the summer of 2006, just a few months after I got married. I HATED that job with a burning, fiery passion. Basically, people called in to complain about their service, and we had to talk them down, explain their indiscernible bills, AND try to upsell them. Good times. As a people-pleaser with anxiety, it was torture. I quit after less than three months. However, it did give me this positive memory I’ve looked back on fondly ever since.

I was sitting on the grass in the sunshine, participating in a forced getting-to-know-you activity with my coworkers. (Is there any other kind of getting-to-know-you activity other than forced? This introvert doesn’t think so. 😉) We were supposed to draw our dream visions on a piece of computer paper and then share it with everyone. On my paper, I drew a book with my name on it. I shared with everyone that I wanted to publish a book someday. And I felt unbelievably brave saying it out loud.

It took another 16 years before I published any of my writing, and, to date, it’s only been “self-published” here on my blog. It’s out there, though! And I’m also working on writing a memoir that will also be published someday. What helped me get over the hurdle of fear of criticism and finally let other people read my writing? You guessed it: The first domino was reading Big Magic.

Reading it seemed like Gilbert was giving me a personal pep talk. I actually have several quotes from the book scattered around my house on Post-It notes. The first one I wrote down is one Elizabeth Gilbert borrowed from poet Jack Gilbert:

“Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?”

Each time I hear or read this, I want to shout out, “YES!!!!” and then go prove it with my actions.

Another quote from the book that really resonates with me is this: “Perfectionism stops people from completing their work… but even worse, it often stops people from beginning their work.” So, so true… I’ve been afraid of criticism for practically my whole life. Luckily, though, a few years ago, I started shifting to saying I’m a recovering perfectionist instead of just a perfectionist. I’m working on having more courage, on feeling fear but then pushing ahead anyway.

I’ve known for several years that I have stories to tell. I have truths that I’ve discovered that just might help others. Both Jack and Elizabeth Gilbert are right, though; it takes courage to put them out there. It took several pushes and several more “magic moments” showing me I should write before I took the first leap. 

In her book, Gilbert lays out excuses we might make for not pursuing our creative dreams, and then she dismantles them. By the time I was done listening to it, she’d made me believe in myself and my dream more than perhaps I ever had before. Literally the week after I finished listening to Big Magic, when the idea of keeping my eyes out for creative inspiration was fresh on my mind, something showed up on my Facebook feed. One of my favorite college professors, Jennifer Sinor, was teaching an eight-week class on writing memoirs. It absolutely felt like a sign. I signed up for the class, and it couldn’t have been a better decision.

I looked forward to going to the class each week. I read essays from memoirists. I learned from my new friends and my professor. I wrote and wrote and wrote. More than anything, though, the class gave me confidence and encouragement to keep pushing toward my dream.

Choosing to invest in myself by paying for this writing class also led me to being able to take my self-care and self-improvement more seriously. For years before (basically since I’d had my boys), I’d felt guilty and selfish about taking time away from my family to work on my personal goals. Motherhood—especially first-time motherhood to TWINS who have special needs—can seem all-consuming. However, I finally realized that I have much more control over how I spend my time each day than I’d thought.

Shortly after my memoir-writing class concluded, several of my classmates and I decided to form a bi-weekly writing group. We meet every other week, talk about writing, write together, and critique each others’ writing. It’s been absolutely wonderful, and I’ve grown so close to each of these amazing ladies.

I also had the guts to sign up for a six-month self-improvement program called “The Elevated Mother”. I’m sure I’ll write more about my experience in this phenomenal program later. In a nutshell, though, I’ve worked with the facilitator (who’s my friend from high school) to map out my goals and work toward them. To say I’ve seen massive growth in myself is an understatement.

It’s seemed like one magic moment has been followed closely by another as my mindset about my abilities has become more positive. I’ve seen colossal shifts and improvements in my life over the past eight months, and when I look back, I think reading Big Magic was the catalyst for all of the positive change. I’ve taken risks and fought through anxiety to let others see my writing. I’m working toward my goals, more productive, and happier. As Elizabeth Gilbert says,

“In the end, creativity is a gift to the creator, not just a gift to the audience.”

Give yourself the gift of reading this book. Then use it to propel yourself forward in the direction of your dreams. That sounds almost too cheesey to post, but it’s truly my wish for you. What have you always wanted to do? You can do it!!! Take the plunge! Take that first step. Watch as the next step unfolds before you. Then marvel at how far you’re able to go. Let me know if you decide to take me up on my recommendation. I really hope you do.